So not down with the kids....

I have had several conversations with my teenagers lately that have made me realise that I am, in fact, that uncool, old mum that all kids swear they will never be. Mentally, I don’t feel much different to how I did when I was twenty, other than I think I have a little bit more knowledge and wisdom behind me (although sometimes I wonder). In my young people’s eyes, however, I am positively Jurassic! I’m pretty sure that at some point during childbirth, a microchip is implanted into the mother’s brain which contains all the standard “mum” sayings.

I’ll openly admit that my head and heart are both residing somewhere in the early to mid-nineties. I could cope with things then. CDs (insert disc, press play and Bob’s your mother’s brother). Now it involves multiple items of gadgetry and more pressing of buttons than it does to launch a space rocket (although, I do like Amazon Echo). I had some of the best times back then too. Life somehow felt less complicated and we interacted with each other, rather than staring at a device for hours indoors.

Here are some of the recent, tell-tale topics discussed with the teens: (Could well turn into a rant).

Instagram. How does this even work? I’m signed up for it but no clue as to what I’m supposed to be doing with it. When I commented that it seemed a bit shallow to get followers who are total strangers, just because they like your photo and think you’re fit, I was shot down in flames by the seventeen-year-old. My old-fashioned side harks back to when you made actual friends by going out and meeting people instead of obsessing over a load of selfies that someone has taken while making ridiculous pouty faces in their bedroom.  Nothing beats a nice smile in my opinion.

That brings me on to duck-face and sideways head tilting. Seriously, who on earth decided that pouting looks good? If I’d walked up to a guy in a club, back in the day (I didn’t say “In my day”. 😉) and pulled a duck face at him, he’d have wondered what the heck was wrong with me and run a mile. Now, you scroll through young girls’ photos and every one they’re there, looking like Lesley Ash’s after photos! Just no! It also appears that nobody can just look straight at the camera any more. Now, everyone has to turn their head. It looks like everyone’s heads are wonky.

Highlighter. Why on earth would you want to make the top half of your face so pale and shiny that it’s visible from space? I got the eye roll from the 14-year-old for this comment. I like to wear make-up myself (although I’m often too lazy) but I try to get rid of shine on my nose, not ADD it! Sometimes I think I’m at a masquerade ball! The only highlighters I possess are the coloured ones in my pencil case.

Handwriting. I heard on the news the other day that Cambridge University were considering scrapping handwritten exams as students were so bad at handwriting these days. I mentioned to my son that I thought it was sad that we were losing the art of writing and he said, “Why?” He pointed out that in a few decades, there will be some other advancement in technology that will make typing obsolete and everyone will be looking back saying, “Oooh, do you remember when we used to type everything?” I know he’s right, but I still feel sad.

I could probably give you more examples but I am old and in need of my bed. I have accepted my antiquity and to be honest, I don’t give a monkey’s. I wouldn’t say I live in the past necessarily, but I do, in all seriousness, look back at my youth with a real fondness and warmth as things just didn’t feel as complicated then. Forgive me for yearning to revisit that era every now and again. Now, has anyone seen my meds……..?

P.S. Apologies to all my Insta-using, highlighter-wearing, duck-face pulling friends. If it's any consolation, I had a perm and used to wear darker lip-liner than my lippy.